


of love and lust

by Ripki



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Choices, Drabble, F/M, You'll always wonder what if...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-26
Updated: 2009-12-26
Packaged: 2017-11-10 23:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/471962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ripki/pseuds/Ripki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes she dreamt (dreams) how she would have the courage to love the wrong man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	of love and lust

\----

When James annoys her, when she tires of this life, when she knows their fairytale will not have a happy ending, she thinks in secret, half-guilty, half-ashamed – what if – what if she had accepted his apology? Heeded his call? Returned his desires?

 

She was – is – anything but oblivious. She knew how he looked at her – so intense, so wanting, raising her flesh, making her heart beat faster quicker, flushing her hot – one word and she could have had him.

 

But she was a good girl, she was fifteen, she was everyone's friend, she was responsible. The school sweetheart, level-headed, bright and rational. She did not want those things. She was not supposed to want those things. Only later and with the right boy. 

 

(His eyes watch her darkly, wanting  
in her dreams  
follow the movements her body makes  
sometimes in her dreams (only sometimes not very often no)  
his long fingers, smudged from black ink, tracing her skin  
writing spells mysterious patterns  
leaving traces, fingerprints, marking and taking  
no words from either of them but sounds  
quickening of breath, sliding of sheet  
dark eyes wanting   
furiously watching over her dreams) 

 

And now she is a new wife and maybe, someday soon a mother, and there is no room for second guessing, for treacherous thoughts, for disturbing dreams and what if?

 

What if she had said just one word? And taken him for herself with one word. Branded him to herself as surely as another had probably (certainly) marked him later. Claimed him as her own just because she could. Because she had the power. 

 

She had always known she had that power. Sometimes, when she was tired of being the good girl, everyone's friend, the one who always did the right thing. Sometimes, she would plan how she would sneak from her bed, from her dormitory, from her house. Have adventures of her own. Raise a little hell. 

 

Sometimes she dreamt (dreams) how she would have the courage to love the wrong man. 

 

But she never did.


End file.
